Better Left Forgot
by AthenBlade
Summary: A SeamusHelen story. Instead of Seamus falling Dylan does. When Seamus goes to the hospital to finish her off he finds out she has amnesia, the last day she remembers is the day before he killed anyone.
1. Default Chapter

Better Left Forgot  
  
(AN: Seamus is not always going to be as intense as he is in this first chapter. You have to remember he has been harboring his hate and regrets for eight years and they are in the middle of a fight. And also remember these are his thought in here and at times people's thoughts are very irrational: especially if you're Irish.)  
  
Things were going quite well for Seamus. Ok at the moment he was hanging off the side of the roof with a sword in his hand but he hadn't fallen and that was the high point of his situation. He had stabbed the freaky guy's sword into the side of the building as he was kicked off the side. Now that he thought about it why the bloody hell did that pale Willard look-a- like come rushing in anyway? Wrenching one arm over the side of the wall he pulled himself over the edge.  
  
Seamus actually froze in surprise. Less than a foot away from him The Freak was kissing Helen. Like a 'stop-the-show-people-are-making-out- moment'. Where the bloody hell did that shit come from?! Last time he checked they were in a fight. At that moment Helen let out a scream and pulled back from The Freak. Seamus's hands tightened involuntarily into fists. He looked down to find the sword still in his hands. A wicked grin broke across his face.  
  
'Hell why not? He hadn't stabbed anyone in a while.' Seamus thought flipping the sword over in his hand. 'Enough of this weirdness.' Looking up Seamus noticed that the two had pulled apart and The Freak was muttering something. In one quick twist Seamus dove the sword in the area of The Freak's heart. Instantly Seamus heard Helen's scream; slightly surprising cause Seamus had been expecting some sore of noise from The Freak. But the second he heard her scream he liked hearing that one more. Her scream was filled with utter despair, pain, and loss that Seamus had been feeling for EIGHT FREAKING YEARS!  
  
Maybe it was the sword or maybe it was all his memories of the high school Helen but either way he couldn't resist.  
  
"Mind if I cut in Helen?" His words seemed to sink right into her. She was listening to him like she had never listened to anyone in her life. And his words sent pure fear into her eyes. In her stilled moment of weakness Seamus launched at her picking her right off her feet. She was weightless too him; so completely so that it was nothing for him to toss her straight off the side of the building. He only underestimated how FAR he could throw her. Apparently she was light enough fly right into the gigantic 'E' that she had dropped off of earlier. Which brought to mind the question:  
  
'Why did he drop the shotgun to catch her when she fell off the sign?'  
  
At the moment he couldn't be bothered with these thoughts. He was where he wanted to be for eight years. Everything he had been feeling and wanting and needing was finally coming to an end. And it would end with Helen. He really couldn't take her being in the world not after his had been stolen from him. Things had to end now.  
  
Jumping on to the metal 'E' Seamus whipped out Helen's own lighter. And Helen was still hanging on; poor stupid girl. Bending down over her he light the lighter and without his knowing really why he started laughing. It was an amused evil laugh that Seamus really didn't know where was coming from. But with each laugh he was releasing some inner weight that he never could get rid of. And it just felt so good to be living again.  
  
Not that Helen really had that opinion.  
  
Seamus held the lighter a breath away form her fingers letting the heat and licking of the flames forcing her to let go of her metallic lifeline. His eyes were focused on her hands watching for that instant of release. But just inside his rang of vision he could see her eyes. She was fighting the pain trying to hold on. She didn't want to fall and in some strange remote part of her eyes she was asking him to stop.  
  
"Seamus..." Helen whispered. Seamus pulled the lighter away for an instant and looked at her, really looked at her. It was the same face, same eyes, he had fallen in love with so long ago. And at that moment he would have given anything for them to go back in time. Anything to have Helen back, not this knew toughened Dylan, but his Helen.  
  
"I loved you Helen, and you destroyed me." Seamus said bitterly. In that moment Seamus jabbed the lighter back at her hands. And in that same moment Helen let go. Seamus was frozen in place watching as she grew smaller and farther away from him until...  
  
He looked away as fast as he could. He could have sworn he heard the impact but that was impossible. But was she there? Did she really just die at his hands? Was everything he had been hoping for and dreading all this time done? Was the last person he had ever truly loved dead?  
  
He had to know.  
  
Seamus jumped off the E jarring it from its place. Almost the second his foot was off the letter it fell. Seamus continued running for the stairs fighting even as every fiber of his being to not run back to the edge to look. He grabbed two of his mates and punched through the doors at top speed. All he could think of was Helen crushed under the weight of that E. Her blood seeping from her head her, eyes open staring blankly into space.  
  
Seamus was half way down the building before he heard the explosion. The whole building rocked under his feet to miss a few of the steps. Seamus was on his feet the first, not missing a beat. He didn't care if the entire world fell down around him as long as he made sure Helen was dead.  
  
A few minutes later Seamus was down the stairs and out the front door of the theater. There was a large crowed gather around the front of the building. It took two seconds to realize that there were cops in the crowd. Seamus and his mates intently slowed down. Seamus slipped into the crowd of people trying to get to the side of the theater. As he worked his way as fast as possible he noticed that the crowd was getting thicker.  
  
When Seamus reached the alley he saw why. The roof was on fire and there was a fire truck and ambulance blocking the alleyway. Cops were swarming all over the place. Seamus was blown away. 'How the bloody hell did they get here so fast?' Then it hit him, there was a FBI bust going on and high profile movie premiere going on, of coarse there was going to be extra cops around. Seamus snagged the sleeve of the nearest bystander.  
  
"What's going on?" Seamus demanded.  
  
"Someone set a bomb off on the roof. The explosion sent people flying everywhere. If it hadn't been for all the cops in the area they would have been to late." The man motioned vaguely towards the alleyway. Seamus's head snapped around.  
  
Helen was alive. She had been strapped onto a gurney and was headed toward the ambulance. Her eyes were closed, her hair bloody, and she wasn't moving. He wasn't fooled though, if they medical people were moving her into the van without a sheet over her head she was alive. Seamus was beyond livid. He couldn't even finish the job with so many police around. He checked the name on the ambulance.  
  
"Come on boyo were going to St. Ann Marmoreal." Seamus muttered.  
  
1 hour later  
  
Seamus and two of his mates stood waiting in the emergency room of St. Ann Marmoreal. They weren't waiting out of concern but waiting for the right moment to strike. While the police didn't know enough about what was going on to place a guard at her door but there was still doctors running in and out of the room. There was also an uniformed cop waiting down the hall for her statement. Seamus was having a hard time thinking of a way to get to Helen before she spoke to the police. He didn't want to make that mistake again.  
  
Seamus narrowed his eyes as the doctor came out into Helen's room. He motioned to the police officer. The cop got up and motioned to the room. The doctor shook his head and talked a bit more with the cop. The officer nodded flipped closed his little notebook and he and the doctor walked away towards the cafeteria. Seamus frowned.  
  
"Ok lets go." Seamus said heading for her room. "Stay outside while I do this. If anyone comes by say you're family." And with that he pushed inside.  
  
The shades were open and the lights were dimmed so the brightest light can from under the bathroom door. Seamus stopped to listening to see if anyone was in there. Not hearing anything he moved closer to the bed. His whole body was tense but determined. Taking a deep breath through his nose he grabbed hold of the bedside curtain.  
  
"Seamus!"  
  
Seamus spun around so fast he almost fell. He instantly tensed into a fighting stance at the sound of Helen's voice. And sure enough it was her standing in the silhouetted in the bathroom doorway.  
  
"Oh thank god it is you!" She ran across the room and threw her arms around his neck. Seamus was frozen solid with shock. "I don't now what's going on." She sobbed into his neck.  
  
"Neither do I." Seamus said still completely dumbfounded.  
  
"I went to sleep last night and I woke up here. Everything is so different, I mean LOOK AT ME!" She pulled away and Seamus could see tears in her eyes. Her long red hair had been washed and a perfectly white bandage was wrapped around her head.  
  
"What happened to your hair?" She asked a looked of confusion on her face. Seamus looked long and hard at her. Very slowly Seamus reached behind for the clipboard hanging on the end of the hospital bed. Without taking his eyes off Helen he pulled the board in front him. With one longer look at her he looked down.  
  
Three words stood out to Seamus in big bold glowing letters.  
  
Helen Zzas....  
  
...Amnesia.  
  
(AN: Just to let new readers now I base the past of all Seamus and Helen stories on the other story I'm writing right now. It's called When Seamus met Helen. I'll try not to give away to many past incidents till they happen in the other story. Anyway tell me if you want me to keep writing on this story or not. I have like 4 other stories I'm writing so the story with the most reviews per chapter is the one I'll work on. So get cracking.) 


	2. A Step Away from Ordinary

Chapter 2

A Step Away from Ordinary  
  
Seamus was having a very hard time breathing. His hands had tightened so hard around the clipboard the wood was digging into the bone. All he could see were those three words staring back at him.  
  
"What exactly is the last thing you remember?" Seamus said quietly.  
  
"I watched TV, got ready for bed, put your present in my backpack, and went to bed." Helen said thinking out loud. Seamus looked carefully at her with out tilting his head up.  
  
"What present?"  
  
"The one for our six month anniversary. And no, I don't care what going on, you don't get to know what it is." Helen said crossing her arms in front of her. Seamus almost fell to the ground.  
  
_ The last day she remembered was the night before Seamus had shot Jimmy  
DelAngo._  
  
"He, he, he." Seamus crooked turning away from her and tossing the clipboard against a wall. "Oh, I don't get to know what my present is! He, he, he OH SHIT!" Seamus hissed punching into the wall.  
  
"Seamus what's going on?" Helen asked stepping closer to him. Seamus pulled away but turn to face her.  
  
"Helen...you have amnesia. Our six-month anniversary was 8 years ago." Seamus explained slowly. Helen stared at him.  
  
"That impossible. I would now if I have amnesia." Helen said.  
  
"Helen look at me." Seamus said holding up his arms. "Find any newspaper, turn on any show, hell even the TV guide will tell you. You have amnesia. Trust me no one is more sorry than me."  
  
Seamus watched as the information sunk in. She looked confused at first, then this slow look of dread started to take hold, and then that look of knowing.  
  
"No."  
  
Seamus barely heard her. Her hands came up to hide her face even as her knees started to give way from under her. He caught her by the shoulders before she fell all the way.  
  
"Helen listen to me, LISTEN TO ME." Seamus said shaking her. She peeked out from behind her hands. "Helen you have to tell me, are you sure that that's last thing you remember?"  
  
"Yes! Why would I lie to you about that?" Helen asked close to crying.  
  
"Seamus, Kervin says that the cop's coming back."  
  
Both Seamus and Helen spun to see who had spoken. In the doorway was the mate he had set as look out. Helen's eye opened in horror.  
  
"A cop! Seamus you got to get me out of here." Helen begged. "I don't know what's going on here but I do NOT want to see a cop."  
  
Seamus looked at her for a long moment. She could be faking. This could be a set up. And even if she was back to the Helen he'd known that could change any second now. He couldn't risk this. Hell he came in here to kill her anyway. But he couldn't have her talking to the police. If she even mentioned he had even been here he was screwed.  
  
"Aden, tell Kervin to stall him. And bring the car around." Seamus said to the man in the doorway. He nodded and disappeared into the hallway. Seamus turned back to Helen.  
  
"Thanks Seamus." Helen said.  
  
"Helen listen. This hospital has cameras and I don't want it to look like I'm kidnapping you. So this is what we're going to do. I'm going to leave." Helen started to panic so he grabbed her again. "Now listen to me! I want you to follow after me in 2 minutes. You will meet me at the women's bathroom just past the waiting room. Ok? Just wait there and I'll come and get you." Seamus told her.  
  
Helen nodded. She was shaking slightly but she seemed sure of herself. Seamus nodded and marched to the door. He stuck his head out to check for the cop but didn't see anything. He looked behind him to see Helen standing in the middle of the room staring after him. Before she could say anything he dove into the hallway and didn't stop walking till he reached the gift shop.  
  
He was forcing himself to breathe through his nose so that he wouldn't start gasping in the middle of the hospital. He couldn't stop thinking.  
  
_'What the bloody hell am I doing? Ok, ok, I'll just get her out of the hospital. I'll shoot her in the back of the head and it will be over. Shoot her? Shoot her? She wouldn't even know what the fuck I would be shooting her for! Why did this have to happen to me now!?'  
_  
He banged his head against the wall. He hated this. He hated it more than prison and that was really saying something. He opened his eyes and took a deep breath. He stood up straight brushing himself off.  
  
_'I am not going to let this be a problem. She can't hurt me anymore; I won't let her. I'll find a way to end this and I can start living again._  
  
He turned and entered the doorway of the shop. With one hand he grabbed a charcoal colored sweat suit and with the other he grabbed a baseball cap. Seeing that no one was trying to stop him he turned and walked out of the store.  
  
He stood out side the women's bathroom and knocked on the door. He had his back to the wall but didn't have to look to know it was her that opened the door. He held the clothes out to her.  
  
"Put them on and hurry it up." He said. He felt them pulled out of his hand and heard the door lock after her. He stared down the hall looking completely board but on the inside his heart was racing. He wanted to just shoot her and walk away and not have to deal with any of this anymore. But what was he going to do, he didn't have a gun.  
  
"Can we get out of here now?"  
  
Seamus turned his head to see her. Her red hair had been tucked under the hat, she had on the form fitting sweats (the sweat he hadn't known was form fitting at the time), and she was bare foot. Her makeup had been washed off but she still looked good. In this light he could just see a bruise blossoming on her right cheekbone where he'd hit her yesterday. He blinked quickly trying to clear his head.  
  
"Yeah let's go." Seamus said grabbing her hand and leading the way to the front of the emergency room. He was careful to keep his head lowered so that the cameras wouldn't get a good shot of him. But looking at the floor forced him to realize how good Helen's hands felt.  
  
He hadn't noticed before because those hands had been punching him not more than two hours ago. It was smaller than his was, so smooth it felt like porcine and her nails longer than he remembered. And they felt manicured, which suddenly seemed ridiculous to him. She fought like no woman he had ever seen before. How could someone that good have perfect nails?  
  
_'She must get pretty pissed when she breaks one.'_ He thought silently laughing at the image.  
  
He pushed open the emergency doors open and broke into the cool LA air. He did slow down when he spotted the Monte Carlo at the end of the stairs. Aden was in the driver seat waiting for them. Seamus tapped on the window motioning for him roll it down.  
  
"Get out of the car, you're not coming." Seamus ordered. Aden looked surprised but he didn't argue. He got out of the car not bothering to turn it off.  
  
"Aden? Aden Rosalind?" Helen asked. Aden looked startled but he nodded. "I remember you. Seamus introduced us at the hospital a last week. Don't you remember?" She sounded happy to find someone she knew.  
  
Aden looked confused.  
  
"Seamus wasn't in LA two weeks ago." Aden said. Seamus stepped between them.  
  
"Tell Kervin you two are staying here. See if any of the others made it and if they did stay here till they get out." Seamus said making sure he didn't speak loud enough for Helen to hear.  
  
Aden's eyes drifted to the ground but he nodded. Seamus pulled Helen around to the other side of the car, opened the door, and spun her into the passenger seat. Seamus closed the door after her and gave Aden a meaningful look over the hood of the car.  
  
"And tell them to keep their mouths shut. That goes for you too by the way." Seamus said getting into the car. He didn't wait to see if Aden did as he asked Seamus just flew out of the hospital parking lot.  
  
Seamus felt tense, angry, and on edge. Every muscle in his body was taught. His grip on the wheel was so tight that is HATE tattoos stood out like glowing beacons against his white knuckles. He kept his eyes on the road ahead. It was taking all he had not to look at her, he was so afraid that if he looked he would never be able to look away. And all he would want to know is if it would really be his Helen he saw.  
  
"I know this is a really bad time to say it but you look really good." Seamus snapped his head around to look at her. Helen wasn't looking at him. She had taken off the cap and long red hair skirted her shoulders. She had also removed the white bandages from her head and had her bare forehead pressed against the passenger side window looking out. She didn't even look like she had spoken at all.  
  
"You're right, it is a bad time." Seamus said. He turned back to the road. He didn't know where he was going. The place he got yesterday would be the first place someone would look for him. Seamus was also sure that there would be people looking for him. If not the cops or Helen's friends, Seamus was sure his family would be searching him out after the stunt he pulled.  
  
Something suddenly caught his eye and he turned. The landmark had completely slipped his mind until he saw it. He was amazed that after 8 years he would recognize it at all. Helen sat straight up in her seat.  
  
"It's still here." Helen whispered getting out of the car. Seamus kept the headlights on and got out of the car.  
  
(AN: This next part relies a lot on my other story 'When Seamus Met Helen'. Mainly the setting and who Seamus calls when the chips are down. It would make more sense if you read the other story. But there are things you wont understand and I did that so you would say interested in both stories.)  
  
Buildings in an empty parking lot surrounded them on all sides. And on each wall was a gorgeous mural. A deep changing forest caught just before dawn shifted under the lighting. As you looked little details came popping out of the vast green. And if you were to look closely you could just see a rocky coast through the trees. It had been Seamus's favorite place, and later Helen's.  
  
"Stay here I need to think." Seamus said pulling out his cell phone and walking away from the car. Helen looked after him but stayed by the car. Seamus hit the power button and started to scroll down his phonebook. He didn't have many numbers so it didn't take him long to think of who to call.  
  
"Hey Sherry it's me." Seamus said facing one of the walls.  
  
"Hello Seamus." She paused. "Is it over?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it right now. I need a place to stay outside of the city though." Seamus said quickly side stepping the subject of Helen. He knew by the sound of her pause that he wasn't fooling her.  
  
"Well I do own a house up the coast. I bought it with money not connected with the family so it's clean. I can have a jet fueled and waiting in 20 minutes. I can even set up a car to meet you there with the GPS programmed with the directions. I was going to go there after...things...settled down around here. But I know you need it more."  
  
"Thanks Sherry." Seamus said 10 times more relived than before.  
  
"No Seamus thank you. You will never know the depth of my gratitude." Sherry said quietly. Seamus stilled and stared blankly at the wall in front of him.  
  
"I'm just so sorry that I ever went away." Seamus replied. Sherry didn't say anything and for a minute they shared a moment of silence for their stolen past. "Well I have to go. If you need me call my cell not the landline at the house. Bye Sherry."  
  
"Bye Seamus." She said just before hanging up. Seamus pressed the tiny button to turn it off and stuffed it in his pocket. Taking a deep breath he turned heading back to the car. Helen was leaning against the driver side of the hood waiting for him.  
  
"Get in the car we're leaving." Seamus ordered stopping just in front of her. She looked at him but didn't move.  
  
"We're not together anymore are we?" Helen asked. Seamus could have laughed.  
  
"To put it simply no." Seamus said curtly.  
  
"The last thing I remember my life was perfect. I wake up and it's gone. The only thing for sure I still knew in that life was you." Helen sadly said reaching for him. Seamus pulled away so fast she didn't get close to touching him.  
  
"You have no idea what you're messing with." Seamus said turning away.  
  
"Are you telling to tell me that a few years can change someone so much?" She seductively whispered lightly setting her hands on his shoulders.  
  
Seamus spun around slamming her back into the hood of the car. He made sure that his legs were straddling one of hers between them. His hand whipped around her waist and pulled her forward so she was pressed tight against his body. His head crocked around hers so that his face was positioned just under her ear. For two long seconds he didn't move, only breathed lightly on her neck.  
  
"Has it ever occurred to you that you may not want to tempt me?" Seamus hissed against her ear. Helen shivered but didn't move away from him. Seamus waited for his message to sink in and then pulled away from her.  
  
"Get in the car." Seamus said avoiding her eyes. Helen got up and walked calmly to the other side of the car. They both got in and Seamus started driving. Helen reached over and flipped on the radio. She stopped listening and looked thoughtfully at it.  
  
"It just occurred to me that I won't know any of the songs." Helen muttered. Seamus just kept looking at the road. Helen shifted in her seat but kept looking at the radio as they drove along.

Suddenly Seamus shot a wake. He had fallen asleep in his seat. He wasn't driving anymore but there was that first moment of panic. As far as Seamus could figure he must have propped his head in his hand and when the plane landed it slipped jolting him awake. He was so tired after staying up in waiting for Helen in the hospital.  
  
_'Oh shit Helen!'_  
  
Seamus whipped around in his seat to look at her. Helen had fallen asleep almost the second she had laid down on the jet's stretch couch. She was still there sound asleep. She was lying on her back with her hair tousled about her. She looked perfectly at peace like she never wanted to wake up. Seamus engaged the brief thought of making that come true but shooed it away.  
  
He wanted to make her pay for what she did to him. But part of that was it make her realize the pain she caused him. If he tried inflicted that pain of her now Helen wouldn't understand that. She would possibly know and he wouldn't possibly get his revenge. So he decided that he wouldn't kill her until she remembered what happened. That was funny because once she remembered she would be trying to kill him.  
  
"We've land sir." Said the pilot form the cockpit's doorway. Seamus sank down deeper in his seat and looked at him. "There's a car waiting just outside the plane. There's no driver."  
  
"Aye thank you." Seamus said getting to his feet. The pilot walked past him to open the door of the jet. Seamus marched to where Helen was lying and paused. After a good deal of thought he bent over and scooped her into his arms. He checked to see if she was stirring. She shifted slightly and sighed.  
  
_'You always were a heavy sleeper.'_ Seamus thought amused  
  
He walked to the door and down the jet steps to the ground below. There the pilot already that both doors of the car open and waiting with the keys in hand. Seamus walked around to the passenger side and set Helen inside. She shifted into a comfortable position but stayed fast asleep. Seamus took the keys from the pilot and closed Helen's door.  
  
"Tell your patron thanks again." Seamus said.  
  
"Aye sir." The man said just before Seamus got in and drove away. Seamus pulled into the long driveway of the house hours after leaving the airport. The house looked Victorian and modern at the same time. There being so many dimensions to it but still flowing into the whole. It was a big place with a lot of land around it but it still looks well lived and cozy. It had a lovely miniature rose garden on either side of the front walk. When Seamus open his door the first thing he smelt was the ocean. With light just starting to come into the sky, the wind in his face, and the darkened green forest around him Seamus felt like he was back in Ireland.  
  
He closed his door and walked to Helen's. He tapped on the window making her wake startled. She stared through the window at him from her seat.  
  
"We're here." Seamus told her motioning two the house. She looked at it for a second and then got out of the car.  
  
"Where is here?" Helen asked.  
  
"Northern California." Seamus said heading for the house. He heard her door close and her steps following behind him. The key chain he had only two keys on so he was guessing that the other was the key to the house. He stuck it in and turned. The door swung open in his hand. Seamus felt the walls and flipped on the light he found there. He dropped the keys on a hall table and started up the stairs without a second glance behind him.  
  
He got to the top of the stairs and open the nearest door. It turned out to be the master bedroom. He left the door open skipped the next door and opened the one after that. He flipped the lights to reveal a spare bedroom. Seamus turned in the doorway to look at Helen. She was standing at the top of the stairs waiting.  
  
"You can take the master and I'll take this." Seamus said. Helen looked surprised.  
  
"Why can't we just share?" She asked.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow." Seamus said closing the door after him. He found the bed closed his eyes and fell back onto it clothes and all. He was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow. Seamus opened his eyes at exactly at 7:30. He didn't have to look at any clock to know it. Yesterday Seamus had planned to sleep till noon just to prove that he could. It turned that he couldn't. After eight years of waking up at 7:30 it seemed to be ingrained in him. Even with only a few hours sleep he still woke at 7:30. He was never a morning person and now he could be anything else.  
  
The defused light from the drawn blinds played across the roof of the room. Seamus stared at it for a while trying to avoid thinking. His ploy seemed to work for a while until he thought how stuffy his jacket was. He suddenly the thought occurred to him that he had no other clothes.  
  
"Bollix!" Seamus cursed swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He cradled his head in his hands. He was going to have to go shopping. Sherry probably kept spare sets of clothes in the closets. So he could just use...no that was never going to happen. Seamus needed to buy new clothes and probably food too. Sherry wasn't likely to keep spoil prone food in her weekend home.  
  
He got up and tore his denim jacket off. He pulled down the sleeves of his gray sweater as he walked out the door. He was about to go down the stairs when he stopped. He thought for a second then opened Helen's door and looked in. She was asleep on top of the covers. She hadn't changed but the zipper on her sweatshirt was lower than he remembered.  
  
Seamus stepped into the room before he could stop himself. He closed the door after himself but didn't move any further into the room. He walked across the room to stand by the side of the bed. He leaned closer to her with his head cocked to one side as he studied her as she slept. Pouting lips, long lush lashes, and red hair with so much dimension of color he knew it was her real color.  
  
He reached out to touch it but stopped. He scowled and pulled his hand back. He pushed away from the bed and yanked open the door. He glared at her over his shoulder to see if she was still asleep. Seeing that she hadn't moved he left the room and shut the door after him. He was back from the shopping trip. He had done his best to keep the bags down to two; one for food and one for other items. He didn't buy any beer because he didn't have any ID. Not that he thought anyone would card him anymore.  
  
He opened the door and bumped the door inward with his hip. He flipped it closed with his foot and worked his way to the kitchen. He dropped the food bag on the counter and head up the stairs to Helen's room. Seamus didn't hear Helen anywhere so he assumed she was still asleep.  
  
He still had the other bag in his right hand so he had open her door with his left. He was about to say something when his heart stopped. His whole body felt rooted to the floor as he stared. The bag in his hand fell from his fingers completely forgotten.  
  
Helen was gone.  
  
(AN: Oh no where has she gone! (Insert evil laugh here.) Has she gotten her memory back? Have the other angels found her? Has Seamus's family for some strange reason kidnapped her? REVIEW! Or I will not tell you.) 


	3. Meetings and Partings

Chapter 3

Meetings and Partings

(AN: Kat this entire chapter is dedicated to you. That thought hadn't even entered my head until I read your review. It's perfect for this chapter. THANK YOU!)

He couldn't think. He couldn't move. Seamus was staring blankly at the empty bed. It slowly entered his brain that the bed wasn't made. Her sweats were scattered on the floor and a window was open. Seamus rushed to the window to look outside. The car was still there and he couldn't see anyway of getting down from this window. He was about to rush for the front door when he stopped dead.

Helen was standing behind him in a towel dripping wet.

Seamus turned and allowed himself a long look. He started with her feet. Slim tanned feet with toes that weren't painted any noticeable color. Long hairless legs with water streaming down them to pool on the floor. The towel started at mid thigh level and was crisp white cotton. Her waist small and defined even in the thick rapping. Her chest peeked over the top of the towel lifting with each breath she took. He skipped her face and went straight to her hair. It was wavy and plastered to her head and shoulders.

He looked at her face. Her eyes were clear and open to him. Just glancing at them he could read everything they had to say. She was surprised that he was here. She wasn't upset though, closer to happy to see him. And while she liked seeing him she was unsure where she stood. She was unhappy to be caught so off guard and unprepared but was trying to put up a confidant face.

"Where did you go?" Helen asked.

"Shopping, we were out of food and I needed clothes." Seamus muttered heading toward the door.

"But there's plenty of clothes in the closets." Helen said puzzled.

"They're not mine and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't fit." He said keeping his back to her as he picked up the things he'd dropped.

"Whose house is this? There were no pictures, no mail, and nothing personal of any kind." Helen said behind him. "If you don't count the clothes that don't fit, the Guinness in the kitchen, and the toy box in the den."

Seamus stopped dead in his tracks.

"It's not my house and they are not my kids. And none of it's yours either." Seamus said not looking at her.

"Well that's good I never thought I'd be a good mom anyway." Helen said striding past him. He watched as her half-naked body start down the stairs and got a long look at her ass. He left the bag on the floor and followed after her. He stuck his head around the corner to the kitchen. She was pulling things out of the grocery bag in search of something. What didn't meet her standers she put to the side and reached further into the bag. She had her back to him so he leaned in the doorway to watch her.

She made a triumphant sound and dove into the bag. Seamus saw a green apple in her hand as she sat at one of the barstools at the breakfast bar. What he paid attention to was the long length of bare leg that the act reveled. Seamus was sure she was doing it on purpose by the way she paused ever so slightly before biting into the fruit.

He pushed off the wall and rounded the other side of the counter. Making a point of looking at her while he worked he started putting away the food he'd bought. She looked smug but thoughtful while Seamus looked aloof and at ease. Seamus grabbed a spoon out and then pulled the last item out of the bag for himself. He stood in front of Helen and took the first bite of his cookie dough ice cream.

"That's not healthy for breakfast." She said trying not to show her envy. He didn't say anything but took another bite.

"Mmmm." Was his response.

"Oh stop. You sounds like you've never had ice cream before." She said biting into her apple.

"People don't appreciate the simple things in life." He said taking another spoonful.

"Some things aren't that simple but are that good." She said leaning toward him across the counter. Seamus's eyes narrowed as he leaned in too.

"Since gentle perswaytion didn't work I will put it bluntly. There is almost nothing in the world I would like more than to throw you on this counter and have backbreaking sex until we both pass-out. And you might have the same idea in your current state but let me tell you that it would be the last thing on your mind when you get your memories back. So stop it." Seamus finished.

Helen looked at him carefully over her apple.

"Why are you helping me?"

Seamus pulled back from her.

"What do you mean?" He asked on guard.

"I get the feeling that you don't like me anymore. In fact I'd bet you don't want anything to do with me and yet you brought me here. If you're so angry why are you helping me?" She asked.

"Because I hate the woman you be came and I hate what she did to me. And I hate to say this but at this point in time you are not her. I respected Helen Zzas too much to disgrace her memory. And that is exactly what you are...a physical embodiment of her memory." Seamus answered coldly.

"Well I guess I was wrong." Helen said getting out of her seat.

"Wrong about what?" Seamus called after her.

"You don't hate me." She said before slipping around the corner. Seamus's eye fell to the counter. Helen's half-eaten apple was still on the table in front of him.

"Bugger!" Seamus cursed backhanding the thing off of the counter.

A few hours later.

Seamus sat blot up right in his seat. He stopped and dug the back of his fists into his eyes to wipe the sleep from them. When he opened them again he looked around a bit distorted. He had been asleep on the couch in the living room. Cursing himself he groped around for his watch; 2:32.

"Ah shit." Seamus breathed dropping the watch back on the table. He pushed off of the couch and started for the kitchen. He looked at the counter, blinked, and looked again. There were to BLT's on a plate waiting for him.

He looked around for Helen but didn't see her. He noticed the unwashed dishes in the sink but didn't hear anything. Again mumbling curses to himself he snatched up a sandwich and bit in. His other hand slipped into his pocket fingering the car keys. He knew full well that Helen could hotwire almost any car she can to so having the keys didn't really tell him anything.

So taking the sandwich with him he checked the window. Seeing that the car was still there he started going room to room. He finished the sandwich by the time he was done looking through the house. He didn't find her anywhere so he went back to the kitchen to grab the other BLT. He wasn't very upset about not finding her. In his line of thinking she would not have made him lunch if she had remember anything and run off.

He took another bite and thought. From what he had seen this morning there weren't many places to go. He didn't see her on the road and the woods were too thick to walk through. She had to have gone to the beach. He stood on the back porch finishing his lunch staring down the dirt path that lead to the beach. He couldn't see the beach from here but he did see small gardens all over the property that he knew held Sherry's touch. But thinking of Sherry here with the family only brought to mind the last time he had seen her in LA two days ago.

Seamus face soured but he kept eating. It suddenly occurred to him that he had yet to have his daily run. In prison he had a full hour to devote to running. He never did so much in his first few years but that was because... Seamus stopped going down that line of thought too. He was out of prison and he was not going to go back even in his thoughts. So after finishing the sandwich he leap off the porch and started running at full pace.

The gravel path crunched under his feet as he ran. His feet jumped and side stepped so many rocks that he was amazed he hadn't fallen yet. Seamus felt the world rushing behind him as he ran down the path. He was running all out but it felt effortless to him. He broke around the bend and onto the beach. He slid to a stop kicking sand up all around him.

Helen was standing with her back to him not more than a few yards away. She turned completely around to see what had made the noise. She had let down her hair, most likely to keep her ears warm. She had changed out of the sweat suit into blue jeans that she had belted up around her slim waist. Her shirt was a white cotton dress shirt, with long sleeves no doubt. She still hand on the sweat shirt jacket to keep warm and held a pair of slip on flip-flops in one hand.

"What are you doing?" Seamus asked checking around him for anyone else on the private stretch of sand.

"I couldn't sleep." She teased.

"So you come out here?" Seamus asked walking toward her.

"Well you weren't up and, you know me, I love the ocean." She said grinning. She turned away to look at the water again. "It's beautiful up here."

"Yeah it is. It reminds me of Ireland actually." Seamus said standing next to her.

"Is that where you went?" She asked. His brows came together in thought.

"Where I went?" He asked confused.

"Adain said you weren't in LA last week. You always said the only reason you would leave LA is to go to Ireland."

"No I wasn't in Ireland last week." Seamus said coolly ended the conversation.

"Where you looking for me?" Helen asked nodding her head to where he had come running around the corner.

"No I wasn't looking for you." Seamus easily lied. "How long have you been out here?"

"I don't know...feels like forever." Helen mutter staring out over the water.

"And I thought I was the only one that spoke cryptic." Seamus muttered heading for the house.

"Where are we going?" Helen said bouncing up next to him as he walked.

"I didn't get a shower yet." Seamus said.

"When did you become so dispassionate?" Helen said.

"Now what are you talking about?" Seamus asked annoyed.

"I' don't know, just how you speak. Even your little 'People don't appreciate the simple things in life' speech was with out any real emotion. I have no doubt that you meant it but you didn't sound like it." She explained.

"Maybe all my passion has been put into one thing for so long it can longer spread into anything else." Seamus said quietly. Helen was watching him closely now. His eyes shot up to glare at her. "Was that passionate enough for you Helen Zzas?" He snapped.

"Damn it Seamus you are always so confusing!" Helen yelled running up the stairs to the house and slamming the door after her. Seamus stood at the bottom of the steps looking after her.

"Well she's taking it better than I did." He said heading up the steps after her. 

(AN: Till next time...) 


	4. Latent Memories

Chapter 4

Latent Memories

They were sitting down to diner. Seamus hadn't seen Helen since she had stormed into the house. She had locked herself in the master bedroom and had turned the radio on. Seamus didn't mind that much, he just started reading a book he bought in town. He had stayed for hours in the den reading till he realized he was hungry. So he had thrown something together that passed for dinner and called Helen down.

"Ah!" Helen cried spitting out her food. Seamus stared at her.

"Ok, I know it's not that bad." He said looking from her to her plate.

"It wasn't that really the taste, more like the feeling. What was it?" Helen asked looking at him a bit disturbed.

"It was just Shake-and-Bake." Seamus replied with a shrug. Helen shuttered. Seamus's eyes narrowed as he watched her. "What exactly did you…'feel'?"

"It was like this feeling of being…used or disgusted." Helen tried to explain her brow knit together in thought.

"Are you remembering anything else?" Seamus asked slowly. His eyes were locked on Helen's face while his hand curled around the handle of his bread knife.

'_Don't remember, don't remember, don't remember, god damn it Helen please don't remember!' _Seamus silently urged.

"No, I don't even know why I felt that way about the chicken." Helen said totally oblivious to what he was doing.

"Well now we know it's possible for you to remember." Seamus said slowly letting go of his knife. "Since you don't seemed to be remembering anything right now I think I'll just eat my dinner in my room."

Seamus grabbed his Guinness and his plate and left the confused Helen behind staring after him. Once he was shut in his room Seamus dropped his plate on the nightstand and cupped his head in his hands not even bothering to turn on the light. He couldn't and wouldn't deal with Helen right now, and he most certainly didn't want to deal the Dylan at any cost.

The Next Morning

At 7:30 a.m. Seamus opened his eyes. Inwardly he cursed himself for not being able to take control of such a simple thing as when he wakes up. He closed his eyes again shutting out the morning rays on the ceiling. He wasn't fooling himself though, he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again even if he wanted too. It had been a useful trait for the past 8 years but now it was the bane of his existence. So giving in he open his eyes and rolled over on his side.

"Mary mother of Jesus!" Seamus yelled jumping back.

Helen was sitting on the side of the bed with her head resting on her arms.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Seamus cried staring wide eyed at her.

"I couldn't sleep and you looked so relaxed I couldn't bare to wake you." She said tipping her head to one side. Suddenly Seamus narrowed his eyes as a new thought entered his mind.

"Exactly how long have you been there?" He asked slowly. Helen shrugged but didn't say anything. "I see." Seamus muttered pushing himself up with one arm.

Seamus watched as Helen's eyes dropped down from his face. Seamus glanced down too and noticed for the first time that he didn't have a shirt on.

"Wow." Helen breathed quietly. A long moment passed in silence.

"You're staring." Seamus drawled quietly. Helen's eyes flew back up to his.

"Oh I'm sorry. It's just that's…really…impressive." As she spoke her eyes drifted downward again. Seamus kept his eyes locked on hers till she looked up again. "I'm sorry, it's just that's…a bit more than I remember."

"Well thanks. You seem a bit gob-smacked…but could you leave my room?" Seamus said nodding toward the door. "I have to change sometime you know."

"Oh yeah, sorry." She said getting back on her feet. She had almost made it out the door before she paused and turned back. "No, never mind." She said changing her mind and walked out.

Seamus stared at the closed door silently. He didn't relax any with her out of the room but found it safe enough to haul himself out of bed. He scooped up the pair of jogging pants he had set on the nightstand earlier and tugged them on. Eyeing the door one more time Seamus dropped to the floor and started his morning exercise routine. When he finally finished he was dripping sweat his mind and body invigorated.

Sitting on the edge of his bed he put on his running shoes systematically shutting out all thoughts as he prepared for his morning run. His head snapped to the door as a light knock sounded and Helen popped her head in.

"What are you doing?" She asked leaning in the doorway.

"Starting my day, how about you?" Seamus snapped pulling a shirt over is head. Helen raised an eyebrow at him.

"Being bored. Are you going jogging?" Helen asked suddenly. Seamus stared at her from under his brow.

"I'm going to RUN my four miles if that's what you mean. Do you got a problem with that?" He responded pulling on his shoes.

"You hate running. Didn't you tell me it was the most pointless thing that PE had to offer? So can't blame me for not envisioning you as some kind of morning jogger person." Helen said eyeing him.

"Eight years is a long time to change one's habits. For all you know you might love jogging now." Seamus said getting up.

"Do you really think so?" Helen asked scrunching up her nose at the thought as he walked passed her.

"Well you always were good at running." Seamus muttered to himself as he headed down the hall.

"Do you mind if I come with you?" Helen said marching after him. Seamus stopped at the top of the stairs and shot a look at her over his shoulder at her.

"What?"

"Well I may not remember if I like running but physically I would." Helen explained with a shrug. Seamus stared at her for a long moment.

"Fine if you can keep up because I'm not going easy on you." He said trumping down the stairs without another glance behind him.

"Oh don't worry, I'll be putting you in the dust." Helen said skipping passed him and out the door. Seamus shook his head but stopped and tilted it to the side to get a full look at her ass. He actually had to stop on the stairs and shake himself to regain his composure again. He strode across the entryway and shut the door after him.

"Now I'm only saying this once so listen. We jog down to the beach on the path, then we run…for an hour, and then we stretch. Got it?" Seamus said. A thin icy smile creep onto his face that wasn't remotely reflected in his eyes.

"Sure. Sounds good to me." Helen said hoping off the porch. She took off at a light pace down the path pausing only long enough to kick a rock out of her way.

Seamus waited till she had a slight lead on him before he jumped off the steps after her. He made sure his pace was a beat faster than Helen's and smiled to himself as he started to gain on her. Her red flame of hair was loose around her head as he legs pounded out a quick sure stride. By the time they reached the end of the path he was only a step behind her. As they pulled off of the path toward the water line Seamus pulled out in front her picking up speed.

By the time they were both head south along the water's edge Helen had caught up to him. Her feet fell in time with his a smile fueled with exuberant energy on her face. Seamus's fairly good mood left as he noticed this turn of events. His lower his head slightly as he pushed into a quicker pace his arms coiled into fists.

Helen lost her smile when she noticed he was breaking ahead of her. Her brow knit together in concentration as she pour more speed into her stride as she rushed to gain ground on him. Slowly she closed the gap until they were both running neck and neck again. Seamus scowled but kept the pace hoping that her legs would give out on her.

The only things reaching his blood-deprived brain was the pounding of his feet and the rushed breathing of himself and Helen as they raced down the seemingly endless stretch of beach. He could feel the slight burning that was slowly working its way into his thighs and tried to block the feeling from his mind as it started to spread to his calves.

The beeping on his wrist took him by surprise but only fueled his determination. He dug his heel into the wet sand spinning around to run back the way that they had come. Helen was taken off guard by his sudden move and turned less quickly. She almost fell on her face as she raced wildly trying to catch up with him. Seamus grinned to himself as he thought.

So you kept up for the first half-hour of the run. No one's ever beaten me racing the full hour. 

Seams kept his place in first for the first few minutes of the run back but it wasn't long before he caught Helen's fiery form eating up the turf next to him. Seamus shot her a death glare before turning back to in front of him and poured everything into his legs to get ahead of her. Helen's teeth clenched together as she pulled deep from any reserves she had to match pace with his as they flew down the beach.

She could feel the muscles in her chest cramping as she forced them to pull in more air then she thought even possible. Her neck pinched at her telling her to stop but she wouldn't. She just kept repeating in her head.

_A little more Helen. A little more. Just keep going. Come on just a little more now._

Seamus could feel every muscle in his body bulging with the effort to keep going but shut out all cries to stop and kept running. He was straining for breath as he forced his legs to not just to keep moving but to go faster. But no matter how much he pushed he couldn't seem to get more than a step ahead of the woman next to him.

When his watch finally went off Seamus's body skidded into the ground kicking up four feet high wall of sand to stop him. Helen toppled into the sand as she tucked and rolled till she came to a complete stop. While she spread out on her back in the sand gasping air in Seamus doubled over with his hands on his knees heaving in as much air that he possibly could.

"Get up." Seamus gasped between breaths. "You'll cramp." He hissed trying to straighten up.

Helen rolled onto her hands and knees but couldn't seem to get up from there. Seamus staggered over to a near by cluster of rocks and leaned against them waiting. He could feel his entire body shaking from the run and he would have almost bet money on the fact that Helen was too. Hell he'd even bet that her stomach was threatening to heave over and that's why she hadn't gotten up yet. Lucky for him he hadn't eaten yet.

"I can't." Helen hissed shaking her head. Seamus pushed himself off the rock and reached around her waist to pull her to her feet. He left her wobbling there for a second before walking off for the beach path.

"I don't want to hear you complaining tomorrow." Seamus explained not glancing at her again.

"I could have done it." Helen snapped hurrying after him. Seamus rolled his eyes but didn't say anything because he was concentrating on not stumbling over his own feet. He stopped suddenly.

"Did we pass the path?" He asked looking over his should the way they'd come. Helen looked too.

"I think so." She said changing direction. Seamus fell in step next to her. After some thought he pulled off his shirt letting the cold morning air relieve the burning heat that had built up in him from the run. It took him a while to realize Helen wasn't looking forward any longer.

"You're doing it again." He informed her still gazing ahead.

"Oh and like I haven't seen you checking out my ass every time I turn around." Helen snapped crossing her arms over her chest. Seamus's head whipped around to stare at her. "Don't look so surprised. Some habits just never change in people."

"Oh heavens to Betsy's! That'd be my fault." Seamus cried laying on his accent thicker. "I just haven't seen it in a while. You'll be forgiving me if I forget myself again."

"Damn it Seamus! Where he fuck have you been for the past 8 year?" Helen yelled jumping in his face.

"I've been here Helen! For 8 fucking years I've been in the same God damn spot! You on the other hand have seen the world. And been to all the bars it has to offer." Seamus snapped glaring down at her. She didn't jump like in the ship but held her ground and shoved him.

"At lest I walk out of half the bars I go into." She tossed.

"You know nothing about me Helen; nothing." Seamus hissed through clenched teeth pointing a finger dangerously close to her face.

"Well let's see if the basics have changed." She said. She flicked his hand to the side and leapt at him wrapping her hands around his head as she pulled him deep into a kiss.

It was like a breath of sweet air had flooded his starved lungs. His hand fisted in her hair tipping her lips up more to his as his tongue lashed open her mouth. His whole body tensed pulling her hard against him. He tossed herwhen he released her so that she stumbled back a few steps. They were both breathing hard as he watched her trace the edge of her lips with the tips of her fingers.

"Well you kiss the same when you're pissed." Helen said. Seamus watched closely as she reached back to rub the back of her neck lost in thought.

"And from what do you get that from?" He asked his mind flashing back to the crate on the ship. His fists curled into fists waiting to see if she'd remember anymore.

"I don't know." Helen muttered quietly. Seamus could tell from her eyes that she meant it.

"Well, I'll be going soon." Seamus said walking around her.

"GOING! Going where?" Helen asked coming back to herself.

"It's Sunday Helen…I have Mass." Seamus said.

"I didn't even know it was Sunday." Helen muttered. "Why don't we just forget again?"

"Not going to happen." Seamus answered. Helen rolled her eyes.

"I thought you'd say that. Oh well, can I go?"

Seamus stopped walking and looked at her in shock.

"What?" He asked.

"Well I have nothing to do here. I figured I could walk around the town or something." She said walking up the path ahead of him.

"No, out of the question." Seamus said.

"Why?" Helen asked exasperated.

"I don't have time to worry about and the trouble you'd get yourself into." He said quickly.

"That's bullshit Seamus. Why don't you tell me anything? We use to trust each other once." Helen said as they reached the house.

"Trust is a fickle thing Helen. Once you betray it, it's hard to get it back." Seamus said getting into the car and driving away leaving Helen standing alone in the dust.

Seamus could still remember that feeling as he strut out of prison. The shock and disbelieve over the guards announcement 'You're out' had been fading since he heard it leaving only the deep longing to find Helen; and kill her. He could feel the power rolling through him and the cold hate steeling his blood as he walked. He hadn't even bothered to pick up the spare items that were being stored in the prison; they didn't matter it him anymore. Nothing did.

"O'Grady what about your belongings?" A prison guard called out from behind him.

Seamus flipped up the worn picture of Helen but didn't stop walking. His eyes scanned the parking lot for his prearranged ride. It was then that he caught sight of 'her'.

A long fur coat skimmed the asphalt and would have dragged if she had not been wearing a pair of dark red heels. Black gloves adorned her slim hands the matched her long dark hair. Large tinted glasses hid a good portion of her face but by the way she wore the ensemble Seamus knew she was a powerful and gorgeous woman. She was gazing purposely at him with a piece of paper held in one of her hands. Seamus stopped in front of her. She elegantly raised her hand and held out the paper to him.

_So you have come for me. But concerning what?_

He looked down on the paper only just as he took it into his hand. It was Helen; there was no mistake. She was older but age had not worsened her for the wear. She had more fully become the person he knew she could be. Her hair was no longer bleached but a lovely chessnut, full of life and care. Her eyes were what caught him though. They were oozed and aura of mystery and confidence that he wasn't sure he had ever seen before.

Cool hatred poured from him as he compared the two photos and he knew that this woman had come to deliver Helen to him. She recaptured his attention by holding out her other had. In it were two sliver rings. He dipped his fingers through them and flicked them up on. They were of course to small to fit but Seamus could tell by their feel that they were not just rings.

"So if I have these she'll find me?" Seamus stated. Tilting his head to the side to more completely look at the woman before him. An almost nonexistent grin graced her thin lips briefly before she turned toward the limo that had been waiting behind her. From the way she tilted her head Seamus knew that she meant for him to follow her into the vehicle. He did so.

"Are you interested in the offer I have to give you?" She asked crossing her legs as she sat across from him. Seamus's eyes lowered but quickly returned to her face. No matter how long it had been since he had a woman this close he figured this was not the on to start with. For one the way she sat back in her seat suggested that she had at lest one gun strapped to her back.

"Any bloke in the crime business knows that I want Helen Zzas dead." Seamus spat.

"You do of course know that is no longer her name." Seamus watched her carefully waiting. "Her name is Dylan Saunders now."

"Cut the crap, what do you want?" Seamus said cracking his knuckles impatiently and rolling his head to one side.

"What you want…her dead. Her agency has come between me and a business deal I've been working on. I'll even cut you in on the deal." She said.

"Tell me more." He said without emossion.

"They want the rings. And before I can set up the meeting I need to make sure that that the Angels wont ruin it."

"Hold it a sec. Angels?" Seamus asked thinking it was a joke.

"That's what they like to call themselves. There will be one African American male and three women; one of themis Helen. They operate out of LA and that is where you will stop them."

"That's not possible. If she was in LA my family would have found her." Seamus said firmly.

"Really?When was the last time you were contacted by your family?" Seamus fell silent. "It been over four years hasn't it?"

Seamus was breathing deeply through his nose with his fists curled at his sides trying to clam himself.

"I see you are very well informed to things that are not your business." He spat.

"Oh but you see it is my business. For the head of the O'Grady organization would be unwilling to help me with my little problem. I hear you have a grudge with him as well." She said grinning.

"Take me to him." Seamus said sitting forward in his seat.

"Are you well my son?"

Seamus's head snapped up to see the father of the church standing before him. He looked around and noticed that he was the only one left in the place.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize. I must have been day dreaming." He said standing.

"You're new here." He said smiling and extending his hand. Seamus shook it quickly.

"I'm just passing through. I haven't missed mass in eight years and wasn't going to start today." Seamus said trying to smile too.

"You seem to be troubled. Do you wish to talk about it? I am always open to hear the worries of the needy." He said.

"I'm sorry father but my sins run too deep to confess and anyway most of them are behind me now. I'm sorry if I've troubled you but right now the higher power has done all it can it deter me from further damnation." Seamus could have almost grinned at the expression the priest had on his face but thinking it would be sacrilegious he didn't and left the church.

"To bad it's only temporary." Seamus said getting into his car. He didn't really want to think about past sins or future ones either so he tried to blank his mind as he drove back to the house. He had gotten pretty good at shutting everything out over the years. To bad for him he never learned an effective way to throw someone off a building. Before he knew it he was pulling into the driveway.

He stepped out of the car and slammed the door after himself. His eyes scanned the area out of habbit for possible threats or hidden enemies. His eyes were still harsh points when he saw Helen lying face frist in the front doorway.

(AN: HOLY CHIPPMUNCKS BATMAN! WHAT HAPPENED TO HER! Oh and by the way any ideas on who was running the head of the O'Grady family while Seamus was locked away? Any thoughts on why they hate each other? I know but you'll just have to wait. Review or you'll never know.)


	5. First to Know

Chapter 5

The First to Know

(AN: This was probably not worth the wait but there it as at last. I am having trouble keeping this story moving because I want to keep some surprises in my other story that this is based off of. It's a GREAT twist but you'll be like WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM! So I'll wait…for now.)

The first thing that Seamus thought was that she had been shot. He rushed passed the open car door and leaped over the flower boxes that got in his way. His eyes darted around the yard in an adrenaline powered panic searching for possible assailants. Seeing none his focus then wentback to Helen's prone form lying in the doorway. She was still wearing the outfit from their morning run and Seamus had eyes open for any signs of blood. Her rich red hair spilled across her face blocking any wound from view.

Seamus dropped to his knees desperately swatting the hair away from her face at the same time pulling her head into his lap. His hand was shaking so bad that he had to forcefully plant it onto her neck to find a pulse. Seamus gasped in relief, pulling in breath that he hadn't known he was starving from his lungs. She was breathing and as far as he could tell it was the steady beat of sleep. But she hadn't woken up even after he'd moved her around, which was a bad sign.

He roughly scooped Helen into his arms by hooking one arm under her knees and the other under her arms. When the door got in his way he kicked it open. He paused a minute with his brow furrowed as he tried to decide where would be the best place to set her down at. He moved into the den and far more gently set her down on the couch.

His feet carried him back through the house to the kitchen where he tossed a wash rag into the sink. He slammed on the cold water briefly and then slammed it back off as he snatched it back out. Not being good with his bedside manner he rung the thing out over Helen's face. He dropped down to her level as she sat up gasping and rubbing the water out of her eyes. Seamus pushed her back down as she clutched her head as if she was dizzy.

"Seamus?" Helen said when she saw him. She sounded relieved that he was there. Seamus felt his insides jump as he quickly rose to his feet. His hands held fast at hisside as he crossed to sit in the easy chair across from her. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?" Seamus asked. _Had he been checking to see if she was alive? Not two days ago he was checking to make sure she was dead. What the bloody hell was the difference today? It was the same person he had hated for the past eight years wasn't it?_

"Well, we were coming back from the run...I was fucking tired. We were talking as we walked back up the path. I was having a bit of a hard time on my feet. We got to the house, more arguing. My head was starting to hurt from trying to figure out your twisted ass brain so I went back into the house. I remember I got the door open and then...and then someone was pouring water on my face." She says with a shrug, folding the damp rag to lie it across her forehead.

"Sounds like you passed out." Seamus said flatly. She gave him a glare that for an instant turned his blood to ice. Sure he hadn't said the word _faint _but he knew that's what her reaction would be. Seamus could still remember the time Angus had been dense enough to say something in front of Helen about women not being as able to hold their drink. If he hadn't had his arm around her beforehand she would have made it over the table to clobber his face in.

"I didn't faint." Helen said curtly.

"I didn't say that. What I was trying to say was that two days ago you fell off a building. A very tall building. And today you jumped into some very intense physical activity. I'm saying that your body probably couldn't take the strain and shut down. Hence, you passed out." Seamus explained. Judging by the rate of his own stupidity he wouldn't have to shoot her to get her killed.

Helen rolled her shoulders as if that explanation didn't sit well with her. She thought a bit with her brow knit together. She looked at him once again.

"I fell off a building?" Helen asked. Seamus looked away.

"In a manner of speaking." Helen followed his gaze to the open front door. She looked from it back to him.

"You carried me in right? The rag too?" Seamus rolled his eyes and tried not to look as embarrassed as he felt. _What the fuck was he doing here? He should have stabbed her in the parking lot after he'd gotten her away from the cops in the hospital._

"Only you could make a damp rag into a token of ever lasting love." Seamus sneered off handedly shaking the comment. Helen pushed her self into a sitting position. The muscles in his shoulders tensed as Seamus sensed a fight coming on.

"Well since the large tokens don't seem to mean shit what other options does a girl have?" She snapped. Seamus's hands balled into fist. Seamus kept asking himself what he was wasting his life on her for. _'This was supposed to be simple. I stew in jail, I get out, and I kill her disloyal ass! What am I doing? Waiting for her to remember so I can kill her? Or am I hoping she doesn't so we can start over? Damn it Seamus you are such a pussy!'_

"Don't say that to me Helen. You left me. _You_ didn't give a damn." Seamus growled getting to his feet and walking toward the door.

"Seamus just answer me one thing." Helen called after him. Seamus stopped in the doorway. "Do you still love me?"

Seamus leaned his head against the door. He shut his eyes briefly as he tried to think of an answer. Did he love her? There was no mistaking that he loved her 8 years ago. Those 6 months together had been the best of his life. But he had been justified in killing Jimmy and Helen hadn't even asked why he did it before rushing into the arms of the authorities.

"I loved Helen Zzas…the person she became," He shrugged, "I don't know her. She took Helen Zzas from me…so think I hate her." She rose from her seat.

"I _am_ Helen Zass." Seamus gave her a dark look over his shoulder.

"For now. Eventually you'll come back to yourself. It's only a matter of time."

"So you love who I am right now, you hate me for things I can't remember, and you're waiting around until I do remember. And than what? After I remember what a bitch am what are you going to do?" Helen demanded flinging the wash cloth onto the coffee table. Seamus grinned.

"Well, whenthat has yet to be seen hasn't it? The instant I decide on what to do with you…you'll know."

(AN: I'm taking my time till When Seamus met Helen gets to where I want it. I just didn't want to leave you waiting on that cliff hanger.)


	6. Dreaming up Options

Dreaming up Options

Seamus was dreaming. He knew this because he was both acting in and watching what was going on. He was sitting in his cell wearing the clothes he'd gone into town with. He could taste the prison toothpaste in his mouth but also smell the after shave he'd used his first day out. He looked down at the bed he was on freshly made and then slowly back upwards to were he'd done his sit-ups those past 8 years.

"Hey, Ireland."

Seamus looked down again to find a man leaning lazily against the wall opposite the bed. That wall being about three feet away Seamus got a good look at him. He was tall, maybe a head taller then Seamus, with close cut blond hair and mischievous sky blue eyes. He was fit, handsome, and wearing a prison uniform with enough haughty self-assurance you'd think it was a thousand-dollar suit.

"Six-Man-Britain, long time." Seamus drawled, a broad easy grin spreading over his face as he spoke. The inmate shrugged.

"You have a lot on your plate so I thought you needed someone here to help you digest it all." Seamus pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned backward so he was resting against the other wall.

"You and your fucking psychology. You would think you'd find something less hypocritical to put your fat head into." Seamus said glaring at him over his fingers.

"Hate to break this to you but serial killers usually have some interest in psychology." The smile he gave Seamus never reached his eyes. "And I have a very keen interest in psychology."

Seamus threw a pillow at his head.

"Shut the fuck up Britain! I like I didn't get enough of this in prison. If you hadn't noticed I'm out now."

Britain looked around the cell.

"Are you sure you know you're out? Because you sure aren't acting like it." Seamus rolled his eyes up into their sockets.

"What is that suppose to even mean?"

"You're trapped with one other human being and the only time you ever leave is to get food or run in the yard. And you're miserable." Britain gestured to their surroundings. "Does this sound vaguely familiar?"

"What would you have me do huh? Leave her in the bloody hospital till the cops and her friends got her to remind her how I threw her off a roof?"

Britain crossed his arms across his crest with a exasperated sigh.

"Seamus it's been my experience when dealing with people you love you either put up with them or you kill them. Not much gray area that way."

"I don't love her, I loved her." Seamus corrected sharply. Britain was no longer leaning against the wall but rather sitting on the bed next to him.

"Seamus, buddy old pal, I was right here with you for the first few years remember? It took you three years to stop blaming yourself, and another two start hating her enough to kill her. But don't kid yourself here, you never stopped loving her."

"You always were full shit."

"You know you want me." Britain said while emphasizing this with an imaginary hair flip. Seamus punched him in the thigh.

"Shut up, fag."

"Oh damn well you know you would've been my prison bitch if I wanted." Seamus snorted. "I was just waiting for you to realize the truth and come begging for it. I know, I'm too fashioned."

Seamus closed his eyes a faith smile on his lips. He felt his senses reach out in the dream and his heart sank.

"You're not really here are you?"

"It's a dream Seamus, of course not."

"That's what I mean. It's just a dream, it's not the real you here." His voice was held a measure of sadness as he spoke. Britain shook his head in wonder meant.

"You don't really believe in that afterlife soul shit do you? I thought you were a fucking atheist?" He suddenly made a puzzle face. "Oh right, that's me! Ah, I forgot."

"No, I'm not an atheist. I really do believe. Don't know why but I do."

"Then you should be totally into the Forgiveness shit and forgive Helen." Seamus opened his eyes to glare at Britain. "Ok so you need to kill something. But does it have to be her? Couldn't you kill like surrogates? It worked for me and Ted Bundy."

"You're not going to get me to believe that you killed as many people as Ted Bundy." Seamus snapped falling into their old arguemeant as easily as a warm bath.

"Hey as far as you're concerned I could be like that Green River guy. Hundreds of dead in mass graves just so i can remember where they all are. You don't know."

"That's because you only admit to the six you were convicted of." Seamus complained.

"Hey, if that's what the record says I killed that's all I'm saying I killed. Fair is fair."

"Why are you here again?"

"Oh shit yeah! I came here to give you advice." He turned to face Seamus sitting Indian style on the prison bed. "From where I see it (he looked meaningfully toward the ground) you have a couple of options."

He started ticking off fingers as he went.

"One: Do nothing and wait for her to remember at which point she will probably be very confused and fuck your brains out or rip your head off. Two: Kill her now and get the damn drama over with. Three: Tell her everything and see if you can work things out. One is action packed, two might not give you everything you want, and three is probably the hardest. So it's up to you which one you choose."

Seamus stared at him.

"You're a frigging idiot. I knew that before you opened your damn maw."

"Of course you did dumb ass it's you're dream. You're just such a dumb fuck you needed it laid out for yourself."

"I have no idea why I missed you these past three years." Seamus stated flatly.

"Because you've only had five real friends you're whole life. Mom, dad, Sherry, Helen, and me." He listed off with his other hand. "You might want to think about that before killing off the last half of the remaining list."

Britain hoped off the bed and walked around Seamus toward the open cell door. He paused in the open doorway to look over his shoulder at him one last time.

"That's one thing you can thank her for. If Helen hadn't sent you to prison you never would have met me." He shrugged. "Something to think about."

He walked into the hall and was simply gone.

Seamus's eyes snapped open but he didn't move. For a second it felt like his chest was being crushed but the pain left as he slowly accepted that his friend was truly dead and gone. He very rarely had a dream about Britain but it hurt the same amount every time he did. Britain probably would have lived out the rest of his life peacefully in prison if Seamus hadn't come along; if Helen hadn't put him in prison. It was a dilemma that sometimes kept him up at nights thinking; Britain would be alive but Seamus would have never have met him, or cause his death but meet his greatest friend ever.

Life fucking sucked.

After following that same gloomy train of thought for an unknown while some primal instinct told Seamus to turn his head toward the other side of the bed. This brought him nose to nose with a sleeping Helen.

_What the bloody fucking hell is wrong with this girl?! Can't she stay in her own fucking room?_

Seamus noticed that Helen was sleeping on her stomach her knees bent up close to the rest of her body. Her hair falling gently over her pillow and arms. One lay over top her head with one lightly closed fist resting on her crown while the other was held tight to her body with her lips almost touching the other fist. She looked like a sleeping child crawled into bed with mommy and daddy. Seamus remembered Helen sleeping like this numerous times at his loft right after she'd woken up from a nightmare. The nightmare gone but some of the terror still remaining. Seamus became aware that her eyes were open and she had been staring at him for some length of time he was not sure of.

"Hi." A quite whisper that he wasn't sure he would have caught if he hadn't been looking at her lips when she said it.

Which he was.

This close to her it was all her could look at. He kept watching them as they slowly drew closer, like cautious stealthy deer, and placed a soft gentle kiss on his lips. Then his hand was in her hair cupping the back of her skull as he pulled a strong, silent, desperate kiss from her as if trying to pull her soul into his. Seamus was pretty sure he lost some time because the next thing he knew Helen was on top of him, her legs straddling his hips, her body pressed flush against his as they kissed again and again. They were hot frighteningly emotional kisses but what struck out the most to Seamus was how silent they were. He and Helen had been many things when they were together but silent was never one of them. But now he moved with excruciating deliberateness, took in and experienced every moment as if it were the first and last he would ever have.

Seamus pulled her as tight as he could against him as she licked and worked the flesh on his neck and collarbone with her mouth. He gritted his teeth at the sheer flood of sensation that threatened to overwhelm his body and he forcibly grind him self against her. Feeling all the more satisfied when Helen pulled in a shocked gasp of pleasure right by his ear, her body going tight and arching lusciously against him. She felt so fantastic, so much more than he remembered. Suddenly he wanted all of her, every quivering shred of her. He wanted to feel himself inside of her. To feel her hands locked in his hair as she plunged herself onto him. To let her find that perfect rhythm that she always had come to so naturally.

He realized in that moment that he was no longer really breathing so much as hyperventilating. He was struck with a sudden and unguided panic that took over every other feeling he was experiencing at that moment. He rolled with Helen so that he was now the one on top holding her down with his greater body weight.Helen became aware that something had changed and instantly stopped kissing him instead trying to force his darting unfocused eyes to meet hers. But his mouth felt so dry and all he could think about was getting out of this room and finding real air that he couldn't do it. The only reason he could see that he didn't accualy flee the room was that his fists curled so tightly into the sheets that he was unable to free himself. Helen had to work her hands out from under him and grab both sides of his face before he could even begin to calm down.

"We can't do this." Seamus said faster than his brain could full form the words.

"What? Can't what?" She asked. Seamus made a vague gesture.

"This, what we're doing. We can't, we can't do this right now."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean not right now? It doesn't exactly look like you want to stop if you catch my meaning." She emphasized this with a meaningful glance at his crotch. Seamus looked down with her.

"Doesn't mater." He said rolling off of her to sit on the opposite side of the bed. Helen propped herself on her elbows and stared incredulously at his back.

"Ok you need to explain to me why the sex stopped or I will tie you up and continue the sex with or without you."

Seamus kept pulling in deep breaths of air try to regain his control. This also gave him plenty of time to put his thoughts into words for Helen.

"I don't want to have sex with you under these conditions. If you remembered everything and you knew what you were getting into yes; yes I would have sex with you. But not like this." He took a another deep breath, a much calmer and confident breath. "I have three options on what to do and they are all looking a lot harder to deal with if we did this. So no. We are not having sex. And we are not doing this."

Helen was silent behind him. He felt her flop down onto the bed and finally heard a sigh of acceptance.

"Guess it would be dumb to go back to bed now huh?" She asked. Seamus glanced at the clock, 4:51.

"Yeah I think so." He muttered. He sat there on the edge of the bed starring at nothing until he heard the faint sounds of heavy breathing. He looked to be sure but Helen had fallen back to sleep on his bed. He quietly got up and left the room to take a shower...a cold one.

He came to the realization that it was really quiet impossible to draw up the hate he needed to kill this child like Helen. Made even harder by the fact that he still loved her. Whether it was the Helen he'd first fallen for or some new woman she had grown into. He really did not see how his predicament could get any worse.

(AN: Review damn it! I stayed up till 3:30 at night to get this done. Show me you're still out there people!)


	7. Head of the Irsh Mob

Chapter 7

Head of the Irish Mob

"So let me get this all straight. You're hiding me from the cops, you love the person I am right now, and we are not having sex because you hate the person I can't remember I am. Is that about right?"

Seamus looked up from his book. Helen was standing in the doorway to the living room wearing the same clothes she had been wearing when he left her at 5 am in his room. He had decided to go through his exercise routine and after finishing his run he had come back to the house to continue his book. This peace and quiet had lasted till noon when Helen finally woke.

"Sure sounds about right." Seamus turned his attention back to his book with an exaggerated eye roll.

'_Except for the part that I'm trying to decide wither or not to kill you…that was a very good summary of where we're at.'_

"Oh," Helen flopped onto the couch across from him with a sigh, "And we're sure about the sex thing right?" Seamus gave her a dark look over the top of his book.

"Yes, very sure." Seamus returned to ignoring her hoping that she would get the hint and leave. Take a shower, make a sandwich, plan her escape to Mongolia he didn't really care as long as she left him be.

She instead turned the TV on at a nearly unbearable level of volume and started watching the game network.

He looked at the TV with seething hatred. It was the vintage game show portion of the channel which hosted the Newlywed Game, the Pyramid Game, and some other God forsaken game where stars wrote down answers to finish a phrase and the contestant had to match their answer to the most stars. He hated this network; it had been on all the time during his stint in the prison. He could hear it day in and day out from the guard station down the hall.

"Could you change the channel?" Helen looked over at him.

"Why? I like this." She went back to watching the show. Seamus tried to read his book and block it out. But unlike in the prison the volume was much higher here. He slapped the book down on his thigh and glared at her.

"Would you mind ever so much and turn it down?" Helen narrowed her eyes at him.

"If it bothers you so much leave." Seamus cracked his neck by rotating it from side to side trying to reign himself in before he lost his temper.

"I was here first." Helen sat up on the couch and was now glaring at him much as he was glaring at her.

"This is the only room with a TV. Books can go anywhere." Seamus lunged for the remote on the coffee table but Helen snapped it but first shielding it with her body. Seamus stood up with his hand extended out to her.

"Give me the remote." He demanded. She shook her head no. "Give me the damn remote Helen! I'm getting sick and tired of the shit!"

"Well so am I!" Helen was on her feet and less than a foot away from him anger pouring off of her like waves. "I'm tired of knowing that the man I love loves me and isn't going to do anything about it!"

"You think you know me Helen? You don't. I'm not the same and neither are you." Helen threw up her hands in exacerbation.

"I am the same! That's why this doesn't make sense!"

"One more day Helen! Your memories are one more day away from being the heartless BITCH that ruined my life!"His body was strung so tight it was all he could do not to kill her right then and here.

"Tell me what I did! Tell me what was so horrible that you can't forgive me after eight years!"

"YOU PUT ME IN PRISON HELEN!"All the anger seemed to run out of Helen all at once as she stared at him in confusion.

He suddenly realized how close they had been standing and took a few steps back till the armchair he had been sitting in stood between them. He wasn't looking at her anymore. He didn't want to see it again. The realization of what kind of man he was, the slow fade of any remaining love she had for him. It had taken him years to push past it and he couldn't bear to see it again.

"I…I killed a man. You watched me do it…but you never asked why I did it. And the next thing I know you're testifying against me in court. And then…and then I was in prison. For eight years that's where I was, and you were…everywhere else." He stopped talking and felt the silence grow thick around him. His heart was pounding about his breathing was slow and painful steady.

'_What am I doing? I didn't want this. I wanted her to remember so I would NEVER have to see that look again. What do I do now? She's going to try to run, she's going to try to go to the cops. Do I kill her now? Or do I tie her up and wait for Dylan to surface? What the FUCK am I goin-'_

"Was it Connor?"

Seamus snapped his head to the side to look over his shoulder. Helen was here, having moved more silently then he could have thought possible, at his side looking more concerned than he could remember ever seeing her.

"What?" He breathed. Not sure if he was hearing her anymore or just imaging all this. She rested her hand on his shoulder.

"If it was Connor, you can tell me." As he stared into her deep concerned eyes he was brought back, back to one week earlier when he had just gotten out of prison.

The car had just pulled up to his family house and he was staring at it through the window. It looked the same except for the color of the drapes in the windows and the growth of the landscaping had made during his eight year absence.

"He's in there." It wasn't really a question but his female companion seemed to take it that way.

"He's on the phone with one of my associates right now as a matter of fact. He still thinks he's in control of this bargain and is trying to renegotiate the terms. That's why I needed you. The only terms you have I am more than happy to oblige." There was that same faint smile again. Seamus didn't care for it. It hid what she was really thinking and it kind of made her look a little deranged now that he had spent so much time with her.

She picked up a box that had been sitting next to her throughout the drive. Seamus cocked his head to the side and watched her hold it out to him, the lid still closed.

"I thought a little poetic justice was in order." She opened the box to reveal a single heavy gauge hand gun with a slight nick in the handle. Seamus looked at her in surprise. She smiled once again. "I have an in with law enforcement."

He picked up the gun and he felt that righteous anger flow through him. It filled him up until he felt that the only things in this world were the gun and those who had wronged him. He looked at her with suspicion in his eyes.

"The records have been changed. No one will ever link that gun to you ever again." Seamus wasn't entirely sure he believed her but the thought of kill Him with this gun…it was too much to ignore.

Without another word he got out of the car tucking the gun in the back of his jeans as was his custom. The car pulled away from the drive but he was already up the stairs and was focused on his task. He was just about to try the door when it opened inwards on its own. Seamus stopped dead and tensed for his gun before he realized who it was.

Before him stood a very pretty and refined woman with very properly braided red hair. She wore large sunglasses and a casual tan suit which set off her red lipstick even more than it should have. She looked stunned. On either side of her stood two beautiful girls with matching black curly hair; probably six and four years old. The younger of the two had her hair cut short like a pixie while the other wore it long and wavy. Besides the hair color they looked just like their mother. Seamus smiled and bent low so that he was on eye level with the girls.

"Well now…what are your names then?" Both of the girls looked up at their mother. She nodded in answer but her eyes were locked on Seamus.

"Anne Marie and this is Charlotte. But everyone calls her Lottie." The tallest one spoke but the small one nodded enthusiastically. Seamus smiled bigger rising to his feet.

"Well isn't that a sight." He mused.

"What are you doing here Seamus? How did you get out?" His eyes rose to meet hers. Without saying a word he reached out and slowly pulled her sunglasses off. She ducked her head away but he waited. After a few minutes she took a deep breath through her nose and looked at him.

Her makeup was impeccable. Eye liner, mascara, foundation, eye shadow, and probably many other things Seamus hadn't even heard of came together in such a flawless arrangement even he could tell she had a practiced hand at it. If it hadn't been so perfect Seamus probably would have missed the swelling growing underneath her left cheekbone where the make-up had been removed by someone's fist.

"Sherry." He said softly. "I came here to keep a promise."

"We were just going out for ice cream." She suddenly said quiet cheerfully. She took her glasses back and slipped them back into place. Seamus looked at her calmly letting her do so.

"Be careful not to rush. I would hate for some traffic came to catch you talking to one of the family some miles from here." He stared very solemnly at her as he said so. She nodded.

"Come along children Daddy needs to meet with his old friend." Seamus grabbed her arm as she walked past.

"I'm so sorry I left." She looked at him with a grim set to her lips.

"It's was never your fault Seamus. I never blamed you for going away. I only ever blamed her." Seamus watched as she walked down the stairs toward her car which was parked slightly down the drive. She paused to look back at him and smiled before getting in. He didn't smile back.

He entered through the open door and closed it quietly behind him. The inside of the house was far different and he took the time to note every change he could see. This was no longer his home anymore and it was like air fueling the fire. His eyes drifted down the hall to the door of his father's den. If Seamus was a betting man, which he was, he'd bet his life that that was where He would put his office too.

Seamus kicked the door in.

Connor was standing by the far wall behind his desk with a phone pressed to his ear. He had apparently been looking at the door before Seamus kicked it in because it seemed rooted to the spot. His hair was still very short and he looked trim; fit even. The biggest change was the suit. It was an expensive three piece suit with tiny pin striping that Seamus had a hard time picking out. The tie was silk, cufflinks platinum, and every stitch of time was in its perfect place. He looked like a gentleman, until you looked into his eyes.

There was the thug. The smart, calculating, and brutal cousin that Seamus had once called his best mate. They had grown up together nearly all their lives and Seamus was a little surprised it took this long for things to go so bad.

"Seamus. You're out." Connor gave him a tentative smile. Seamus ignored him, his eyes gazing about the room. He decided it looked cheap. Like someone tried too hard to be both refined and intimidating at the same time. Seamus looked back to Connor and noticed that he had moved closer to the desk. "How did that happen?"

"I've been wondering that myself Connor." Seamus idly ran his fingers over the leather bound book decorating the built in shelves. All of their spines were intact, never cracked open. Seamus stopped when he was about five feet away from Connor.

"I've been wondering how it is I went to jail in the first place." For the first time he saw a flicker of fear pass through Connor's eyes. But then it was gone. Seamus continued. "I mean they couldn't have put me away on just the testimony of one person. Especially not if that person was my girlfriend."

Seamus was smiling now as if he was enjoying a long standing joke between them. He even laughed.

"I mean think about it. All we would have had to say was she found out I was cheating on her, knew about the bad blood between me and Jimmy DelAngo, and made up some story that I was the one that killed him. Simple. We could have even got me a fake alibi from some bird I was supposedly with. But you know why we couldn't do that?"

Connor shook his head.

"Because someone told them where to find the gun." Seamus pulled the gun out of his waist band and pointed it at Connor in one fluid motion. "THIS gun."

"Seamus what are you doing?" Connor held both his hands out away from his sides, the phone now forgotten on the floor. Seamus' brow furrowed as he pretended to think about what Connor had asked.

"Hhmm. What am I doing?"Seamus took a few steps closer to him while he 'thought' that over. "Well I could be killing the son of a bitch that put me in prison. Or one could say I'm 'rubbing out' the power hungry twit that stole my father's business." He paused. During his pause he backed Connor into the wall of untouched books. Much like a man before a firing squad.

"That's all you ever really were, isn't it? The second son of the second man in line to run this business. I always thought we were a family first. But that's not how you saw right? You were just waiting. Following my orders but all the same waiting. Waiting for your chance to take me down." Connor stared wordlessly at the gun.

"But that's not why I'm going to kill you Connor."Seamus placed the gun under Connor's chin but waited for him to look him in the eye.

"Why then?" He asked. Seamus leaned in close.

"Because I told you that if you ever touched Sherry again I'd kill you. And you didn't listen to me."

Seamus pulled the trigger and splattered the wall of books behind with blood and other squishy bits he couldn't easily identify. Connor, missing a large portion of the top of his head, dropped to the floor at Seamus' feet. Seamus could almost swear that he heard Connor's last breath leave his lungs, but he wasn't sure. To be safe he emptied the clip into cousin just to be sure.

Then he was back. Back in the room with Helen. The next person he was supposed to kill. But he hadn't and she was looking at him. And for the first time he realized that he had told her he had killed someone and she was still looking at him as if she still loved him.

"Yes," He said. "I killed Connor."

Helen wrapped her arms around him pulling him in close. He was so stunned he let her. His face was buried in her hair. He felt his eyes close as he took a deep breath. He could almost imagine this was how she reacted on the night he killed Jimmy. That the past eight years had never happened. That they had never been apart.

'_What the bloody hell is happening right now? Why couldn't I just kill her? Why did all this touchy feely shit have to happen?'_

He grabbed her shoulders to pull her off of him. She looked at him with such a sad expression on her face he almost pulled her back. She wiped something off his face which made him duck his head away from her touch. He touched his face only to find it wet. She must have whipped a tear off his face.

'_What the fuck! What the fuck is going on with me?'_

"I'm going into town for lunch. Did you want anything?" He walked was quickly as he could for the door.

"Um, a Philly Cheese Steak?" He could tell she was really confused. He stopped in the open doorway.

"Don't go anywhere ok?" Helen looked around her.

"Where the hell am I going to go? My murder ex-boyfriend has me isolated in the middle of nowhere."

"Right." He agreed. He picked up the phone from its cradle and put it in his pocket. "I'll just keep this till we can talk more."

(AN: Again I am very sorry for the long delays in my updating. But I have a new chapter for both stories! I'm trying!)


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